Ooops

Well, everything WAS going great yesterday until HOT BF wanted a hamburger and we ended up at Johnny Rockets... Yeah, got a cheeseburger and a milkshake. I know some of you are throwing up just thinking about that. I came home and immediately took a couple of laxatives (my gag reflex doesn't allow purging, it sucks). I know, it's gross, but whatever, it gets the job done. I have it in my mind that it allows me to get rid of food faster so it doesn't stay in my body as long sucking up all the fat. I hope that's true, but I'm too lazy to look it up.

So far this morning I ate a peach and now I'm off to run a couple of miles before the heat flares up.

On a fun side note, tomorrow is my last graduate school class EVA. I'll have my master's degree in a few short weeks and I'm hoping it will help me get a job and get out of this apartment so I don't stare at food all day.

It's official

So I gave in, no surprise we're not exactly bloggers of will power are we? I weighed myself this morning to see how much weight I gained over the weekend, and to my own delight, I'm still 139. Which means I can officially make the check mark for that number.

Feeling good, though I have eaten a lot today. I had half a cup of oatmeal with raisins around 5:30 a.m. An egg, 1 piece of toast (from the farmer's market so at least there's no "enriched flour") and a tomato around 10:30 a.m. Then a half can of tuna with tomato and a piece of cheese (!) on the same bread around 1 p.m. Oh, and I just ate a sucker. F my bank for always have awesome looking suckers because I'm such a sucka for them.

I'll be heading to the gym in a few to work on my chin-ups and deadlifts. I swear to god I'll be more excited to finally get a chin-up than I will to reach 135.

I'm Back!

Hello ladies!

OK, so I'm back from my diet break. Somehow I actually got down to 139 anyway (for one whole week I was at 137, but I'm back to 139). I figure if I get back on the dieting bandwagon I'll be able to lose this last 9 pounds and finally see the 20s. I'm trying to keep it realistic though and tell myself it might take a few months.

I'm still at the gym 5 days a week and ran an 8K on Saturday, but my eating has been out of control the last couple of days. To the point that I'm pretty sure I'm back to 140, probably 141, but I refuse to weigh myself until Friday.

So hello Diet, Inching Quarterlife is back and she's here to be your servent.

Goal: 135 by August 31.

Ugh.

A little frustrated this week. Still doing the whole two-times a day at the gym thing. But I'm so over the food thing right now.

I've been trying to get a job since December and it's really starting to weigh on me. I'm stressed out like crazy and the dieting thing is just one more thing that I have to worry about. I haven't weighed in at all this week. Decided I'll just do it on Fridays.

Oh... and I had a grilled cheese for lunch and I'm getting sushi for dinner. But you know what? I don't really give a fuck right now. I'm so freaking tired of thinking about food ALL THE TIME. I just want to be normal. God damn it.

It's working...

Been working out like crazy at the gym and though I only managed to try out the twice-a-day thing once so far, I'm back down to 140.8. On top of that, one of the trainers at the gym said "You're looking really fit, whatever you're doing is working." Hellz to ya.

I wanted to go twice today, but I have friends coming in soon and Hot BF has to work til 8, so I'm in charge of cleaning the apartment.

Speaking of the apartment... yesterday I went to hop on the scale, like I always do before and after showers, and I didn't see the scale. I asked my boyfriend where it went, because sometimes he takes it to the gym when he's working on a certain skill where he has to measure pressure (don't ask, I can't even begin to know how to explain this). And his response was "I hid it." I thought he was joking. Nope. He said he hid it because he didn't think I needed to weigh myself 10 times a day. I only needed to do when I was at the gym. He then told me how beautiful I was and how proud he was of my progress. It means a lot coming from him. It's his job to make people beautiful and strong.

Between him, the other trainer at the gym and the scale. I'm pretty happy today. 139, I can see you so clearly.

Birthday Week = Vacation from Diet

OK. So I fell off the wagon last week, but I actually feel renewed. Let me explain.

So after yet another week of being 141 with no change, I kind lost my cool. Got upset during a workout with Hot BF and just quit. Told him I needed a break. I needed a break from the gym. Needed a break from the diet.

Last week I ate at my favorite Indian restaurant, and then went and got a milkshake afterward. I enjoyed two plates of pasta on another night. Got totally plowed at my birthday party and ate a chili dog and cheese fries afterward. I had Chipotle...

And yes, I am back up to 143 as of this morning. However, I feel like I got my fill of bad food and now I can refocus again. I ran 5 miles like it was 1 today and it felt awesome. For the next two weeks I'm changing up my gym schedule as well. I usually work out 5-6 days a week. Three cardio and two or three on strength training and toning. The next two weeks it'll be 5-6 days a week too, however, for two or three of those days it will be twice a day. On my twice a day days I'll run a shorter distance in the morning (i.e. 2 or 3 miles) and strength train later in the day. I read an article that it boosts your metabolism like crazy and the "weight melts off."

I'll keep you updated!!!

And just to keep us all going... a little thinspo with Evageline Lilly (Kate from LOST). She has the ultimate body.

Random Thoughts

All kinds of things are going through my head today!

1. I'm really hungry today. I haven't given in... yet... to anything bad. Just had my shake, getting ready to eat a plum soon. However, for some reason I keep thinking about Italian food and pizza. Basically anything covered in sauce and cheese sound freaking awesome right now. So I made the effort to get on here and read up on some blogs for a little motivation and its totally working. Nothing like reading about other people reaching their goals to keep you on track. I'm totally going to make these low-fat pizzas for dinner out of my favorite cook book Gourmet Nutrition tonight though to help the craving.

2. Went out with a friend last night and was telling her about my shake diet and latest pound loss. She's the only one that doesn't give me the "as long as you're staying healthy speech." Now I know what she's the only one who doesn't give me that speech, she went through an ana phase a few years ago. She said she got down to 113 before she decided to stop and went back up into the 120s. I bring this up for a couple of reasons. The biggest reason is that she's only about an inch taller than me, so if I get to look like that in the 120s, I'm totally excited. The other reason is that it just goes to show that all those guys out there who say "I like girls who are healthy, not anorexic" have no idea what they are talking about. My two hottest friends (both of whom are married) that constantly get hit on have both gotten down to their weight with the help of ana. So... there you go. Both of them have been off the bandwagon for a few years now and they're both still incredibly gorgeous and get to enjoy food. So my goal is to just get down to something that looks good, and then maintain it.

3. I haven't weighed myself yet today because I drank a few beers last night, and I'm about to get my period, so I know it's going to be crazy. I don't usually weigh myself during my period because the water weight always freaks me out, but when it's over I'll see like a 2 pound loss, which is always fun.

OK, I think that's it. Hope everyone is having a fabulous day!

Getting Close!

Hooray! The shakes and pills are working and I weighed in at 140.6 today, despite the big plate of cajun food yesterday. I could have jumped for joy right then and there, but instead, to celebrate, I ran 4 miles. It felt great and afterward I was sweating so much that it looked like I took a shower.

139 here I come! I can't tell you the last time I've been in the 130s. I might not make my 135 goal by my birthday, but I'm still happy with the downward progress. Who knows, maybe I'll be able to get into the 120s by this summer. The thought of it makes me so excited!

I'll admit though, I am a little woozy and worn down, it's going to take some time for my body to get used to less calories.

Tomorrow is a strength training day, I dread these days. They make me feel ten times more tired than the running days. But I really have to kick it up this week because this weekend I'm traveling with Hot BF's family to a BBQ in Pa. And then were stopping at some chicken wing place on the way back that we saw on the Food Network. And sorry girls, I never deny myself chicken wings! :-p

Num, num, num, num

After another weekend of binging due to BBQs, parties and after-race celebrations full of beer and cheese balls (yeah, you read that right), I decided: THIS HAS TO STOP.

So on Monday I headed down to GNC and began my new food plan. I picked up some Hydroxycut Max and was able to buy lean protein meal replacement shake mix for half off. So that's what I'm doing now. Keeping up my gym routine, replacing breakfast and lunch with the shake and taking those pills.

Back down to 142.0! I'll be at 139 in no time. That's the number I'm focusing on now, just so I can see the 130s. I know it'll be a great feeling.

Hot BF is not thrilled about the low amount of calories in the shakes. Says it will put my body in starvation mode. So I'm eating fruit and veggies all day to try and prevent that. Has anyone ever eaten sun dried tomatoes as a snack? Holy hell, it's better than potato chips, and I loves me some potato chips.

OK, For Realz

Alright so I'm back on track with my eating. I'm back to keeping a diet log and having Hot BF looking it over and making changes. I'm back at the gym six days a week. And I'm back down to 143.2.

Current Goal: 135 by my birthday (May 13).

So far this week:
Monday: Ran 3.1 miles
Tuesday: Strength trained my ass off for an hour. Included manging to six reps of one-arm rows at 40lbs. That's the first time I've been able to hit that weight.
Wednesday: Ran 4 miles

Plans:
Thursday: Strength train like a monster again.
Friday: Run 3.1
Saturday: 5K race in the mud (while wearing a costume... don't ask.)
Sunday: Gymnastics seminar

135 135 135 135....

Just keep picturing it.

I was right...

145 again. Oy.

I type this as I'm drinking a cafe latte... Oy.

Worked my ass off yesterday and will run another 4 miles today. ( Maybe more if it stops raining). But the BF is making steak for dinner and I hate saying "no" when he puts so much work into something.

When I first started the dieting and exercising it was so damn easy to lose weight. It was like as soon as I stopped eating pizza and just replaced it, I lost like 30 lbs. Now despite the fact that my diet has been completely changed and that I'm working out 6 days a week, I'm still on a plateau.

I hate that once you become "average" that the body makes you work 1,000 times more to become "thin."

I want this so bad, so why is it so hard to say "no?"

Meeting New Goals, Loosing Sight of Others

First of all... thanks to all of you who wished me good luck on the race! My goal was to finish the race in under 2 hours and I came in at 1:50 something. So whoo hoo! I admit I did walk for about a minute total, but it felt worse to walk so it encouraged me to get back into the jog.

Well of course I was sore for days afterward, and took two days off from the gym, and ate everything in sight... I didn't seem to gain any weight though, so that was encouraging.

Took me awhile to get my pace back up at the gym and now I'm back to running 4 miles every other day and strength training for about an hour, on the alternate days. However, my appetite has been on overload.

I don't know if it's been because I got addicted to eating the carbs (which you should do before a long race like that) or if it's my period. Either way, my diet has sucked this week and I'm terrified of getting on the scale.

I start training with a new trainer on Saturday and she says she plans on kicking my ass. So hopefully that will kick everything back into gear! I'm really hoping to become strong and thin enough to start doing some gymnastic stuff with Hot BF. It's a big goal of ours.

Whoo Hoo! Two Down!

Despite all my bad eating last weekend I weighed in at 142.2 yesterday! Weeeeeee!

However, despite my attempts to avoid food completely yesterday, my friend whom I haven't seen in forever took me to a southern comfort food place yesterday for dinner and they are my serious weakness. I'm not sure what I am today, but I'll be heading to the gym later for a serious workout.

Only a few more days to my big 10 mile race! Aggggh! I'm so nervous!

Friends

Well saw some friends from college this weekend that I haven't seen since the weight loss. They were all shocked and complimenting and it felt good. However, they all said I didn't need to lose anymore. Considering every single one of them couldn't have weighed more than 115, I wanted to scream when they said that.

Anyway. Ate a lot this weekend because Hot BF says that I'll remember having good times with my friends more than I'll remember the three pounds I'd gain. True. However, luckily, I also came down with a little stomach bug and I didn't gain a pound. Weeeee!

About to head to the gym for some running. Hoping to get in about 4 miles. My big 10-mile race is this weekend and I'm getting nervous!

P.S. put a little thinspo at the top to get me ready to run. I can't figure out how to add pictures to the bottom of a post. A little frustrating. If you know how, please help!

Le Sigh...

I'm having one of those days. One of those days where if I could beat myself up I totally would. What is wrong with me??? Why can't I just say "no" to food. Why is it when we get chicken I can't help but sneak in a little bit of the skin? Why do I have to have some of the rice? Why? Why can't I resist? Why is it such a drug for me to eat bad things?

For a really long time I prided myself on being one of those people who loved to try new things. Now I'm wishing I was one of those girls who's afraid of spice or exotic. Because all my friends who are afraid to try new things, are also the ones who never really put that much thought into food because it's not something they really enjoy. Therefore they've never had to diet, because they've never really had an appetite in the first place.

Bad weekend of eating. I'm back to 146 despite my really long workouts and a 7 mile run. I work my ass off at the gym. I mean I really work my ass off. All the trainers call me "the hardest working girl there." And they've all said they'd love to work with me because they know I'll put my heart into it. Yet, I'm not losing any weight? Why? Because I can't say no to food!

HELP! For the love of God, help me like salad without dressing! Help me say no to any carbs! Help me satisfied with snacking only on plain vegetables! Agggh!

Jessica Biel

A lil thinspo for me: Jessica Biel

My boyfriend is totally gaga over her. I want to make him gaga over me!

St. Paddy's Peer Pressure

Yesterday was a pretty exciting day for me on the scale. I saw 144! I've been trying to get past the 145 mark forever but it always felt so out reach. So, obviously I was elated.

Well, I'm guessing that was short-lived and haven't weighed myself today because of all the St. Paddy's Day celebrating I did last night. It started off good, we went to a really nice restaurant, which was full of temptations such as Belgian frites and mussels with homemade cheese sauce. But I didn't succumb, and I got a blueberry salad. (Totally sucked by the way).

I was feeling pretty proud of myself, until I started drinking. I have no idea how many beers I had last night, but I do know I was still drunk when I went to work at 5:50 this morning. I also vaguely remember sharing a fried fish sandwich with Hot BF on the way home. Don't even want to think about the amount of carbs and fat content of that awesome greasy piece of heaven on bread.

I didn't workout today, too damn tired from work and knowing that I have to be out again tonight. So that probably made things 10x worse. I haven't snacked, and only ate two small meals, but that's definitely not enough to make up for it.

I'm running 7 miles tomorrow, so hopefully that will help.

McCain Hullabaloo

For those of you out of the loop, there's been quite a media frenzy stirred over some comments about Meghan McCain's weight. Laura Ingraham, conservative talk-show host made some joke about Meghan being a plus-sized model and blah blah blah. Meghan responded with how in this day in age she can't believe that a woman's size is still a matter of prejudice.

So, let me say this first. I totally agree with McCain. There's no reason to make fun of her weight when your trying to make a political commentary. Seriously, is that the only material you could muster?

On another note though, McCain says she's comfortable with her size, which is 8 or 10. I'm a firm believer that you should be whatever size you are comfortable with. I'm not trying to lose weight for a social stereotype, I'm trying to lose weight because I don't feel comfortable in my body. I can't run as fast as I'd like to and can't bend as much as I want. However, if you are comfortable with your weight, be honest about it. There's no way in hell she's an 8 or 10. She has to be at least a 12 or 14.

Bottom line is this: If you think it's OK to be a bigger girl, then admit, you're a bigger girl. Don't lie about it.

Weekends = Bad Eating

So I was doing really well last week. I saw 145 on the scale for the first time since high school and was feeling great.

Well that was until Hot BF and I took a little road trip for a tournament he was competing in this weekend. Road trips are bad news bears for me. For some reason, I think "time in car" automatically means "comfort food."

Yup, ate some pizza, then the next day a little IHOP, and then snacked on trail mix all day while he competed. Appetite was in full gear.

Then to top it all off, I had an 8K on Sunday, so I felt like that was an excuse to pile on some carbs and we went and got some pasta and beer... Didn't stop there. After the race (although, I can proudly say I got my best time ever!) I got a crabcake sandwich, fries and more beer....

Oy.

Today I weighed in at 146.6 Sigh.

A Little Help

I broke down and went to GNC yesterday and picked up a little help. Hot BF really knows his supplements and helped me pick out a diet pill that actually works. Don't worry, I'm not taking anything that requires me to take off work (not that that would matter) and wear dark pants for the first week.

No, just a little something to give me some energy and help me burn fat a little quicker. I'm not using this as a substitute for dieting and exercising though. As soon as I finish waking up, I plan on heading to the gym to run 3 or 4 miles to get my day started. Then I'll probably come home and look at my stomach in the mirror for 15 minutes.

For breakfast I had half a English muffin with fake butter spray, an egg and 3 or 4 plantain slices. Sound like a lot? Well I like to follow the motto: For breakfast, eat like a king; for lunch, a prince; for dinner, a pauper.

I plan on spending the day studying at the library today, so hopefully that will help me concentrate on something else other than my hunger. God, I hope my appetite shrinks soon, it's the toughest part of beginning a diet.

Second Week of Diet

Well I'm on day two of the second week of second round of dieting. You see,I fell off the wagon for awhile thinking I had reached my goal weight. However, a recent trip to the Caribbean and my lack of confidence in wearing a swimsuit made me realize, I'm not quite there yet.

So current stats:
Starting weight: 185
Current weight:147
Goal weight: 125ish

It was a little hard today since we went to one of my favorite Peruvian chicken places. But I managed to pick off all the skin, ate all my salad (using the salsa as a dressing) and only a couple of tastes of the refried beans. Also, instead of eating chips and salsa, I just dipped my fork in the salsa. Not bad.

But now I'm starving and drinking green tea praying that it will help subdue my hunger...

Workout: Did an hour of strength training which included step-ups with 15lbs weights, ring rows, side planks, rack pushups and goblet squats with 45lbs.