Ugh.

A little frustrated this week. Still doing the whole two-times a day at the gym thing. But I'm so over the food thing right now.

I've been trying to get a job since December and it's really starting to weigh on me. I'm stressed out like crazy and the dieting thing is just one more thing that I have to worry about. I haven't weighed in at all this week. Decided I'll just do it on Fridays.

Oh... and I had a grilled cheese for lunch and I'm getting sushi for dinner. But you know what? I don't really give a fuck right now. I'm so freaking tired of thinking about food ALL THE TIME. I just want to be normal. God damn it.

It's working...

Been working out like crazy at the gym and though I only managed to try out the twice-a-day thing once so far, I'm back down to 140.8. On top of that, one of the trainers at the gym said "You're looking really fit, whatever you're doing is working." Hellz to ya.

I wanted to go twice today, but I have friends coming in soon and Hot BF has to work til 8, so I'm in charge of cleaning the apartment.

Speaking of the apartment... yesterday I went to hop on the scale, like I always do before and after showers, and I didn't see the scale. I asked my boyfriend where it went, because sometimes he takes it to the gym when he's working on a certain skill where he has to measure pressure (don't ask, I can't even begin to know how to explain this). And his response was "I hid it." I thought he was joking. Nope. He said he hid it because he didn't think I needed to weigh myself 10 times a day. I only needed to do when I was at the gym. He then told me how beautiful I was and how proud he was of my progress. It means a lot coming from him. It's his job to make people beautiful and strong.

Between him, the other trainer at the gym and the scale. I'm pretty happy today. 139, I can see you so clearly.

Birthday Week = Vacation from Diet

OK. So I fell off the wagon last week, but I actually feel renewed. Let me explain.

So after yet another week of being 141 with no change, I kind lost my cool. Got upset during a workout with Hot BF and just quit. Told him I needed a break. I needed a break from the gym. Needed a break from the diet.

Last week I ate at my favorite Indian restaurant, and then went and got a milkshake afterward. I enjoyed two plates of pasta on another night. Got totally plowed at my birthday party and ate a chili dog and cheese fries afterward. I had Chipotle...

And yes, I am back up to 143 as of this morning. However, I feel like I got my fill of bad food and now I can refocus again. I ran 5 miles like it was 1 today and it felt awesome. For the next two weeks I'm changing up my gym schedule as well. I usually work out 5-6 days a week. Three cardio and two or three on strength training and toning. The next two weeks it'll be 5-6 days a week too, however, for two or three of those days it will be twice a day. On my twice a day days I'll run a shorter distance in the morning (i.e. 2 or 3 miles) and strength train later in the day. I read an article that it boosts your metabolism like crazy and the "weight melts off."

I'll keep you updated!!!

And just to keep us all going... a little thinspo with Evageline Lilly (Kate from LOST). She has the ultimate body.

Random Thoughts

All kinds of things are going through my head today!

1. I'm really hungry today. I haven't given in... yet... to anything bad. Just had my shake, getting ready to eat a plum soon. However, for some reason I keep thinking about Italian food and pizza. Basically anything covered in sauce and cheese sound freaking awesome right now. So I made the effort to get on here and read up on some blogs for a little motivation and its totally working. Nothing like reading about other people reaching their goals to keep you on track. I'm totally going to make these low-fat pizzas for dinner out of my favorite cook book Gourmet Nutrition tonight though to help the craving.

2. Went out with a friend last night and was telling her about my shake diet and latest pound loss. She's the only one that doesn't give me the "as long as you're staying healthy speech." Now I know what she's the only one who doesn't give me that speech, she went through an ana phase a few years ago. She said she got down to 113 before she decided to stop and went back up into the 120s. I bring this up for a couple of reasons. The biggest reason is that she's only about an inch taller than me, so if I get to look like that in the 120s, I'm totally excited. The other reason is that it just goes to show that all those guys out there who say "I like girls who are healthy, not anorexic" have no idea what they are talking about. My two hottest friends (both of whom are married) that constantly get hit on have both gotten down to their weight with the help of ana. So... there you go. Both of them have been off the bandwagon for a few years now and they're both still incredibly gorgeous and get to enjoy food. So my goal is to just get down to something that looks good, and then maintain it.

3. I haven't weighed myself yet today because I drank a few beers last night, and I'm about to get my period, so I know it's going to be crazy. I don't usually weigh myself during my period because the water weight always freaks me out, but when it's over I'll see like a 2 pound loss, which is always fun.

OK, I think that's it. Hope everyone is having a fabulous day!

Getting Close!

Hooray! The shakes and pills are working and I weighed in at 140.6 today, despite the big plate of cajun food yesterday. I could have jumped for joy right then and there, but instead, to celebrate, I ran 4 miles. It felt great and afterward I was sweating so much that it looked like I took a shower.

139 here I come! I can't tell you the last time I've been in the 130s. I might not make my 135 goal by my birthday, but I'm still happy with the downward progress. Who knows, maybe I'll be able to get into the 120s by this summer. The thought of it makes me so excited!

I'll admit though, I am a little woozy and worn down, it's going to take some time for my body to get used to less calories.

Tomorrow is a strength training day, I dread these days. They make me feel ten times more tired than the running days. But I really have to kick it up this week because this weekend I'm traveling with Hot BF's family to a BBQ in Pa. And then were stopping at some chicken wing place on the way back that we saw on the Food Network. And sorry girls, I never deny myself chicken wings! :-p

Num, num, num, num

After another weekend of binging due to BBQs, parties and after-race celebrations full of beer and cheese balls (yeah, you read that right), I decided: THIS HAS TO STOP.

So on Monday I headed down to GNC and began my new food plan. I picked up some Hydroxycut Max and was able to buy lean protein meal replacement shake mix for half off. So that's what I'm doing now. Keeping up my gym routine, replacing breakfast and lunch with the shake and taking those pills.

Back down to 142.0! I'll be at 139 in no time. That's the number I'm focusing on now, just so I can see the 130s. I know it'll be a great feeling.

Hot BF is not thrilled about the low amount of calories in the shakes. Says it will put my body in starvation mode. So I'm eating fruit and veggies all day to try and prevent that. Has anyone ever eaten sun dried tomatoes as a snack? Holy hell, it's better than potato chips, and I loves me some potato chips.

OK, For Realz

Alright so I'm back on track with my eating. I'm back to keeping a diet log and having Hot BF looking it over and making changes. I'm back at the gym six days a week. And I'm back down to 143.2.

Current Goal: 135 by my birthday (May 13).

So far this week:
Monday: Ran 3.1 miles
Tuesday: Strength trained my ass off for an hour. Included manging to six reps of one-arm rows at 40lbs. That's the first time I've been able to hit that weight.
Wednesday: Ran 4 miles

Plans:
Thursday: Strength train like a monster again.
Friday: Run 3.1
Saturday: 5K race in the mud (while wearing a costume... don't ask.)
Sunday: Gymnastics seminar

135 135 135 135....

Just keep picturing it.